


Better In Time

by shadowsamurai



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catherine decides it's time to put her life back on track.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better In Time

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen the later episodes of CSI, so I apologise if this doesn't fit the series. All lyrics used belong to Leona Lewis, though they're not in the right order.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

CSI-CSI-CSI-CSI-CSI-CSI

Catherine closed the door behind her, thankful that the shift was over. Thankful it was now her day off and she didn't have to be in work until the following evening. Thankful that her sister had taken Lindsey on holiday for the weekend. Catherine was thankful for a great many things as she headed for the shower, but at that particular moment, her friendship with Gil Grissom wasn't one of them. The last few months had been crippling for Catherine, the cold days and nights spent alone suddenly, all because of *her.*

*It's been the longest winter without you  
I didn't know where to turn to*

Catherine had learnt of Grissom's relationship with Sara quite by accident, and before anyone else. It had hurt, not just the fact that Grissom was seeing someone; no, it was the fact that he was seeing Sara. The fact that he never told Catherine he was seeing someone. The fact that he didn't talk to her about it, when they had always talked about everything. But she should have known. Grissom had been spending less and less time with her outside of work, and now Catherine knew why.

*I couldn't turn on the TV  
Without something there to remind me*

As she stood under the warm jets in the shower, she rubbed her face tenderly, trying to wash away the dried tears that lay there. She had thought it would get easier over time, seeing Grissom happy and with someone else. But it hadn't. It had gotten harder, especially when Grissom and Sara's relationship became public.

*See somehow I can't forget you  
After all that we've been through*

It had amazed everyone that Grissom and Catherine had been friends for so long, and that they had become friends in the first place. But they were never shocked by it; they got on well and that was it. They had been through so much together, shared everything friends could share.  
Now, as Catherine sat curled up on the couch, she realised that she would never have the same friendship with him again. After God knew how many years, it had just stopped, and it was hard for her to take it all in.

*Was it all that easy  
To just put aside your feelings for me*

Of course Grissom had no idea how she felt, how upset she was. In fact, Catherine was surprised he had even admitted having feelings for someone; emotions and Grissom did not go together.

*Going, coming, thought I heard knock  
Who's there? No one*

It was when Catherine found herself staring alternately at the phone and the door that she realised just how much she missed him. She kept expecting him to ring, or call round, like he did sometimes. She debated phoning him and telling him exactly what she thought of him, but Catherine knew if Sara answered, she would just want to die.

*Thinking that I deserved this  
Now I realise that I really didn't know*

Catherine knew if she talked to Grissom, he would be surprised; he wouldn't see his actions as hurtful, just inherently *him*. And she knew he would then try to make it up to her. But Catherine also knew that there was only one way to do that; turn back time. And since that wasn't a scientific possibility yet, things would never go back to the way they were, and her and Grissom's friendship would be forever damaged.

*If you didn't notice you mean everything*

Catherine had never thought of Grissom as the centre of her universe; an integral, large part, certainly, only because of the length of time they'd known each other. But now he was missing from her life - the only contact they had was when they were at work, and then she was usually paired with Warrick or Nick - Catherine realised just how much he meant to her.

*Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gon' be okay*

She realised how much she loved him, and it shocked her. She wondered how she'd never noticed it before. Catherine found her mind wandering to 'what ifs'. What if she'd flirted more with Grissom; talked with him more; taken that chance that had cropped up so many times to just kiss him. Would things be different? Would their relationship have worked? She gave a harsh laugh and shook her head; their friendship had faltered and failed after twenty years, so a relationship would have stood no chance, and it certainly couldn't have damaged their already battered friendship.

*Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too*

Catherine knew, deep down, that she should have gotten over the 'injustice of it all' by now. But the fact that she hadn't made her realise just how deep her feelings for Grissom ran.

*And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile because I deserve to*

She woke up with a start, wondering why it was dark and what time it was. She was shocked to see the clock reading 'three thirty am'. Catherine hadn't slept so long in years, and she quickly checked her phones, wondering why, if there had been calls, she hadn't woken up.

But her answer machine was silent, and her mobile was blank. That either meant people didn't want or need her, or they didn't want to disturb her. After such a long sleep, Catherine smiled and decided to think it was the second option. And for the first time in ages, her first reaction was not to call Grissom, just see what he was doing. Before now, despite the lateness of the hour, if Catherine had wanted to talk, Grissom would listen. But not now.

*Since there's no more you and me  
It's time I let you go  
So I can be free  
And live my life how it should be  
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you  
Yes I will*

Catherine smiled again to herself as she watched the sunrise some hours later, its brightness illuminating the world and making everything clearer than they had been for a long time. Her smile grew as she remembered she still had the day off, and she decided to do some cooking. Hell, she might even go out on a limb and see if Warrick wanted to meet up for lunch.

Yes, Catherine decided, things *would* get better in time because she would make them better. It was the only way to live.

FIN


End file.
